Portfolio Pro T-Shirts

'I think your portfolio earnings may have just qualified for a high-five!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

"That was a rumor day."

Propping up a profits chart.

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

The stock market sky is falling.

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

Have you seen my money?

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

The Birth of a Portfolio

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'