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Ace Investments

"Looks like we invested in a dysfunctional family of funds."

'How's about spicing up that dull portfolio with options on whether it will rain tomorrow?'

'Looks like a lot of your assets are tied up in poverty.'

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

''Wiped out' is such a harsh term. Let's just say your love of money was unrequited.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

"My dad can out-invest your dad."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Time to buy.'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'