Financial Review Gifts

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Based on the economy and your rate of savings, I've updated your retirement projections."

"I thought now might be an appropriate time to review your pension planning."

'Posner, we were crunching some numbers, and your salary and 401 (k) got squashed.'

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

"Our credit rating has improved. There's a pre-approved credit card in the report."

Your 401(k) is now a 201K

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Granny with balanced pie chart

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."