Annual Financial Review Gifts

Business jargon : 'significant negative growth' translated into : 'we are dead broke !'

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

Vulture sitting over a plummeting graph.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"#Win!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."