Portfolio Management Gifts

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

'No, Ms Dolan, a 'fixed income' fund does not mean the market is rigged.'

'That's much better.'

Investors can't blame brokers any more

'Our research department analysts always expect tech stock to move higher, but they don't know which ones or when.'

'Looks like your 'gold mine' turned out to be a landmine.'

'Tell me my net worth in 10 years if I'm fully invested in grwoth funds...corporate bonds...high yield bonds...'

'We need to decide where to put what's left of your money. I suggest something short-term - like your memory.'

"With the economic recovery, we're able to give out bad advice again..."

"Your portfolio needs a theme song. How about 'Is that all there is?'"

"That was a rumor day."

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

'. . . And of course you have instant access to your money.'

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

'It's a whole new ballgame out there, so get ready for some extra innings,'

'A better than expected, portfolio report?'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"We like your determination to develope a new investment strategy."

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"You were right. I should have split my money between high risk stocks and safe bonds."

'I'd like to diversify my portfolio. For a change, why don't you get me a stock that's not in a group I like to classify as 'losers?'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

A fight in the Boardroom.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'