Popularity Pro Gifts

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

Likes: $2.

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Please forgive us for being so late- we had parking issues."

"You're darned RIGHT it's a serious problem! Sales people, like goldfish, grow to fit their tanks! He's got to be transferred to a bigger territory, PRONTO!"

"Oh, God! I had EXACTLY the right amount to drink last night."

"The Curse of the robot followers: At first, Rob was thrilled with the all the attention and followers."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'I wish I were as popular as the coffee machine.'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

'...but our most useful publication is the 'Journal of Don't-Do-It: It's-Already-Been-Done.''

Hair Style Menu

"Glad I had a pretzel before leaving the house; I'd hate to drink all that on an empty stomach."

'I've discovered that smart doesn't make you popular: Cool does...'

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

'I have no new Facebook friend requests today. See that I do before lunchtime.'

"You may be man's 'best friend' but I have over 2,123 likes on facebook!"

"Look, Tia Carmen, my moustache is growing in!"

'She never learned how to dance.'

'zzz... nyarrrgh... fwa... ...ack... k... na...graa...' - '' - 'I just had the worst dream...' - '' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - ''

"Am I not being funny enough?"

Business Cards.

'Oh well, never let it be said you can't handle your booze!'

'...and that concludes the emergency procedures. Since we have a few minutes before take-off, how many of you are familiar with 'Amway'?'

Bob didn't win the race. He was just better - looking.

"Ladies and gentlemen...closing time. Or should Just say 'last call'?"

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'