Popularity Strategist Gifts

"Of course we still like you, Mark, but Joey has more friends on social media!"

'I sent out for everything.'

The president's men

"What was I thinking?!"

Likes: $2.

Israel/Palestine Conflict

The economy.

Tariff Wars

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

The Greek Trampoline

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Why should I take you home instead of your friend? (Republican and Democrat).

Trump Will Protect Obama's Legacy

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

We Used to Build Things

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"It's not who you know, it's how you use them."

Impotent Democracy

Stephen Harper Soliliquizes

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

Ah Democracy - Just Like Home

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."