Pool Staff Gifts

No petting in the pool!

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

Multi-tasking.

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'These are job perks.'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"We’re a lending aquarium."

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

A Preschool of Fish

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'I like you, you've got balls.'

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'