Poll Predictor Pillows

The Liberal Party begin their search for all the lost opinion polls

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"I love your optimism."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Psychic diving competition.

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

Profit Chart with Happy and Sad Faces.

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

Business Meeting

"They said it couldn't be done. I suppose we should have listened to our lawyers."

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'

Oh, I can't complain. high profits

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."