Political Nomination Gifts

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"I don't like your application."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Elections

The Russian Election.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

The Thinker

George Papandreou.

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

"I want something in which to vote for Mrs. Luce."

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Running for Congress

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

"Think about it. Maybe it's a good thing the boss doesn't know your name."

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

Obama of Oz.

Pollster

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

"We're on track for net zero."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

'That's a very good question - Are you trying to make trouble?'

"Hello there...! I'm your hardworking GOP Congressional Representative. I'm running for re-election and I would appreciate your support..."