Polite Punster Pillows

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

Hamlet.

'I think therefore I ham.'

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

"Our flag means debt."

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Surfin' the web.