Pedantic Punster Pillows

'Satisfied, Simkins?'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Ideas Ahead of their Time

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"I have such strong feelers for you."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Mystery of the Poets

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

2B or not 2B

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

Optometrist Humor

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

'I think therefore I ham.'

"Norman is an island."

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'