Pedantic Punster Pillows

'Satisfied, Simkins?'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Ideas Ahead of their Time

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Tequila Mockingbird

"I have such strong feelers for you."

Mystery of the Poets

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

2B or not 2B

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

Optometrist Humor

Bitter End

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'I think therefore I ham.'

"Norman is an island."

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Go ahead and touch my light. It's made of boyfriend material."