Police Satire Lovers Gifts

Excessive Paperwork

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'Asking for a lawyer was a good move. You can't outsmart the cops by yourself.' (Lawyer is a puppet being operated by policeman).

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

Messing Up My Metrics

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

'...if you don't stop..er..singing Mr Bieber I'll arrest you for possessing an offensive weapon as well as drunk driving.'

The Automatic Policeman

'And what do you do?'

Crooks

Oh, sorry, I didn

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

'He had it coming..He said my mother had an arse like the back of a cart horse!'

Police Picket Line - Do Not Cross.

' We have ways of making them talk but how do we make them shut up ?!! '

Okay, knock it off. I'm not falling for the old "good fish, bad fish" routine.

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

'Great News - it's not psoriasis . . . it's just an itchy trigger finger.'

'Illegal immigrant.'

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'Even my three year old doesn't believe in that last one.'

'There you go again - laying down the law.'

Police dancing behind line - titled 'Police Line Dancing'.

"OK, since you have a medical card the cat nip is legal, but I'm going to be watching you."

"Your new recruit's bicycle is ready, commander."

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

"There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"I'll have the good cocktail." "I'll have the bad cocktail."

Policemen

'I ran a computer check on you. If you'll give me the phone number of that cute babe Diane on your MySpace site, I'll let you off with just a warning.'