Podcast Host Gifts

'Had you subscribed to my podcast, you would have learned my dog ate my homework.'

Podcast Hype

"Still having trouble getting guests I see."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

Showbiz Awards

Dialogue

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Multi-Tasking

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Do you mind? I'm in the middle of recording a podcast."

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

Privacy

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous