Plot Structure Pundit Gifts

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Quality Control

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Eldrow

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Giant merger.

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

The Adventures of Tom Friedman, Boy Reporter

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

Editor. Short. Sweet.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I neglected to talk over you."

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

Rush Limbaugh

Trays 'IN' 'OUT' and 'Don't ask'

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

George Will

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penalty for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time? - Andy, Los Angeles. Actual reader question. Excellent question. Unfortunately, answering that question would lead to a stock market collapse ... Which would be just the sign of weakness that the Dutch have been looking for. I'll answer you if you really want to wake up to the sound of 500,000 clogs bearing down on you. Ask Sadie questions at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Tory leadership contest - Dog whistles

Nostalgia: 'In one era..out the other'