Paint Pundit Gifts

Colours associated with different political movements in a box of artist's paints. The artist is holding a tube of 'Gaddafi Green'.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

Editor. Short. Sweet.

Wussapalooka

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

Trays 'IN' 'OUT' and 'Don't ask'

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

"Is this 'pollocks'."

Siegfried Sassoon

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

Nostalgia: 'In one era..out the other'

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."