Painting Pundit Gifts

The place is full of dealers.

"Binaldi, Ravaccio, Dellacorte... and that's just the frames."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

'Why is it always about me?'

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

Editor. Short. Sweet.

"Is this 'pollocks'."

"Once you've jumped over the moon, standing around in a field all day just doesn't cut it."

Chicken standing on a platform on a stage with three horns in front of it and wearing a top hat; a sign on the side of the platform reads "National Endowment for the Arts - Seal of Approval."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Trays 'IN' 'OUT' and 'Don't ask'

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

Nostalgia: 'In one era..out the other'

'We lost your case, but the PR was a success. Three publishers are bidding on your story, and 30 PTAs are petitioning to have the book banned.'

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."