Plot Producer Gifts

Writer's Block.

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

Little Red Riding Carpet

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv