Plot Producer Prints

Writer's Block.

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Buster Keaton

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

Little Red Riding Carpet

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Mensa Does Improv

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."