Pleated Pants Aficionado Gifts

"Wheel, schmeel—check these babies out!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

Bobbies library of jeans

"Do you have pants in XL?"

"Great tights!"

"Aren't you glad we stayed in? I had time to order us some more sweatpants."

'I often tried wearing my pants like that, but I always ended up forming other letters.'

"Those tights pinch and chaff. We're going commando."

"Hillary Clinton is polling well here. Sales off pants suits are up."

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

"I like the suit, but do you have it in a smaller check?"

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

"Do these jeans make my butt sound big?"

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

"It's been a great year except for me not getting any respect for my personal 'dressing for comfort' choice."

'Since he just ate lunch, we never know if he'll be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Naugahyde.'

Sewing Buddies

'Forgive me Father for I have skinned.'

"I can't wait until I'm old enough to dress myself."

Dieting Options: Non-fat, low-fat, stretch pants.

"How come you never wear blue jeans, Tia Carmen? Don't you like them?"

'You're over-packing your cargo pants again.'

"Some dude just picked my pocket!"

"Everytime I wear a plaid shirt I acquire a plethora of knowledge about deer."

"I'm looking for a position that will allow me to telecommute while I sit around in sweatpants watching Netflix."

"See, mom, I've folded a crease into these sweat pants...perfectly suitable for weddings and funerals."

"I'd like some skinny jeans, waist 52."