Plea Deal Ponderer Gifts

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Extreme Sisyphus

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

'I propose a cooling off period of 100 years?'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

The Good Samaritan.

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"My basic judicial philosophy is 'Guilty.'"

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'Have you ever heard the parable of the lawn left unmowed?'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'Credit crunch? Wassat then?'

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

I Do Not have OCD

"Sorry, self defense can't be a plea in a fraud case."

'My idea's quite simple really. Put the money in the bag!'

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

You've tried to get them kicked out of Eden for eating pears, bananas, mangoes and plums: Try apples this time...

'It's for you.'

Parables and Sermons

'Oh, the Lord was with me, but after the trial, he went home and I went to jail.'