Playful Sister Gifts

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

Mixed Doubles.

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Holding hands

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

Advanced footsie

'Fragile little dogs are not supposed to enjoy walks in such weather.'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

'I think there's been some mistake...'

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"He's like having our own personal trainer. . ."

You are simply the Greatest

Modern Parents

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

Spring is coming... Sunshine, warmer weather... and MUD

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.