Playful Lover Gifts

"Next time I'm on top"

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

'Will you marry us?'

"Hon, it's been more that four hours. Shouldn't we call the doctor?"

Valentine's Day calls for a romantic candlelight dinner and soft music. Then a trip back to my place for some heavy groping and groaning.

Mixed Doubles.

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Holding hands

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

Advanced footsie

'You may now kick the bride.'

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Rude Snowpeople

Love.

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'Peekaboo!'

Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm giving my baby a bottle.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'Shuck me.'

Puppy Love

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I love the way these safari trips bring out the animal in you, darling."

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

"They were all out of rings, so I got you a watch."

'Henry, cut that out.'