Playful Absurdity Gifts

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Couldn't you just bring a bucket and spade like other children?'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Barcode Dreams

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Now you can send it."

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'I think you should seek treatment for that Lego block obsession of yours!'

UFO and snowman

Baseball.

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Operation.

'How now, brown cow?'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

Trapeze artists commuting

'Not as easy as it looks?"

The Bonvoy Age...

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.