Platonic Plate Master Gifts

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

The wonderful world of cheese.

The Perfect Cannonball

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

"Balanced Diet"

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

Cat Olympics

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

Artists supplies: Fire Sale - Oil paints, burnt umber, burnt orange, fire red, hot pink.

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'It didn't work out. We got along great, but our phones were incompatible.'

Thanks TSA

'Don't be a sissy - It's not that cold!'

'Dad's teaching me about the all-you-can-eat buffet line and how to get the most out of each trip.'

A jogger being bombarded by tiny battleships in a pond.

"I want to have a relationship, but can't figure out what to do to make myself an attractive date. Should I defat, skim, try ultrafiltration lactose reduction?"

'How's my driving?'

"You always said I could be what ever I want to be. I want to be someone who doesn't eat vegetables."

'Do you ever feel the trend to serve meals in towers is getting ridiculous?'

'I love you so much. As a friend.'

High board diver divining for the water.

"It's a little well done. I'll have to get my chainsaw."

On 'A double shot at a rewarding, platonic relationship. . . with D.J. Pauly D and Vinny' the guys hand out friendship bracelets to women that they would like to get to know better.

'I know it's slow tonight, but surely you can find something to do more useful than learning to spin plates?'

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

'Could you please help me write an essay on the iron age?'

Shark in the water polo pool.

Why would anyone make ornamental roses in wrought iron? Maybe they wanted to stop and smelt the flowers!

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.

Sunny side up eggs

'What do I recommend?.. Now you're talking.|

'Quit pushing. What's the hurry?'