Plating Perfectionist Gifts

Diet dishes.

The wonderful world of cheese.

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

Bullseye!

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Golf lessons

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

Perfection

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"You're welcome."

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

"Quit moving"