Plating Perfectionist T-Shirts

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

Diet dishes.

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

The wonderful world of cheese.

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

Bullseye!

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

Perfection

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"You're welcome."

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.

Warren knew the importance of getting down as low as possible to sight his putts.