Pleat Perfectionist Gifts

Competitive Ironing

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

The wonderful world of cheese.

Bullseye!

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

For sale - Used only Once.

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

Writer

Poetry repairman

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.