Plant Investigator T-Shirts

Face it -- you resent me for the exploring in depth a world that you take for granted.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Honest Vending

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Plant Reference Library - Flowers/Trees.

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

The Velvet Mesquite

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'Diet considerations.'

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

'This species of fungi was last spotted in Oxford by Alice Liddell in 1862!'

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

Sellafield Nuclear Power plant being run by Homer Simpson

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

Secret Family Recipes

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

Coal Liquefaction Plant...Liquefied Coal Gasification Plant

"Poppy has left the dog kennel. I repeat Poppy has left the dog kennel...Yes, yes, we have a code brown!"

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"I'm scared of germs lurking under my bed."