Plant Experimenter T-Shirts

"Our turnips look like carrots, our potatoes taste like apples, our green peas are blue...stuff like that."

"Young Frankenstein"

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

Cookbooks

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Plant Reference Library - Flowers/Trees.

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

The Velvet Mesquite

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

The Inexperienced Cook

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

The Soundness of Newton's Laws

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

Cursing Scientist.

'This species of fungi was last spotted in Oxford by Alice Liddell in 1862!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"We need to put in more bones."

Science Project: Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Now this is Dr. Brainstorm, he's trying to breed a moth that will eat synthetics.

"Sure we'll get in trouble, but our science grades will make up for it."

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.