Planning For Old Age Gifts

"Are you expecting a hearse, Eric?"

"Looks like we found the issue."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"We only got six days of funding."

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

Worry tank

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."