Planetary Philosopher T-Shirts

'Could you speak up a little? - I've got six billion of the little twerps buzzing in my ears!'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Coronavirus

"When I was your age, we wished on stars. Now, we wish on satellites!"

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

Questions

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

'God?' Earth receives its first transmission from space.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

"Shall we put it in play?"

"What, then, is theorigin of cosmology? Some say it has always been with us and always will be. Some think it arrived spontaneously, while others feel it started very small and is expanding..."

Eviction Notice for Earth...

'Curiosity' discovers Mars was at one time like earth.

'Look at him out there... so cold, so distant. Why do I always fall for the bad boys?'

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

Religion & Economics.

I've realized something: It's likely that there's only one way for mankind to reach the stars in our lifetimes. Do tell. Scientists believe we'll be able to upload our minds in just 30 years. That means NASA could upload everyone's mind to a robot, and launch it into space. We wouldn't need life support. We wouldn't be affected by radiation or anything. We could even sleep for the 100 years or so it took to get to the nearest star. Then that robot could build more robots and download our minds t

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

"Since I got out here, it seems my mind is like it's in a vacuum."

'The big bang theory of creation.'

"Kind of makes you realize how insignificant my awesome beard is."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

Crouching God Hidden Buddha

"...and at the edge of the universe it says 'Abandon hope, all ye who look beyond here'."

Planets in solar system form a New World Order.

"Wow, it almost makes me feel as insignificant as an unpaid internship."

Expanding Sun engulfs Planets

The moon used to be a ghostly, unreachable companion in the night sky. Men and women would gaze at it at night, and its mystery would get them in the mood for lovin'. House of Java . Net Cybercafe. Then NASA had to go louse it all up by sending people there. It took decades of us giving up and abandoning the moon for it to start to seem untouchable again. Just last year, it finally regained its magic ... Then China went and landed on it. I still don't think you can sue China.

'I know just how you feel. Sometimes I think I'm living on the wrong planet too.'

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

Well, we found intelligent life, but we still haven't found ethical life.

'Looking into the vastness of space makes me realize how insignificant you are.'

'...And the precise value of the Hubble constant is critical to the question of whether out universe will continue to expand forever, or...'

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."