Earthly Philosopher T-Shirts

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

"Every time you come back you're depressed and disgusted. I'd quit visiting earth, if I were you."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Coronavirus

"When I was your age, we wished on stars. Now, we wish on satellites!"

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

'God?' Earth receives its first transmission from space.

Questions

"Shall we put it in play?"

The Sensitive Dude.

Eviction Notice for Earth...

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"What, then, is theorigin of cosmology? Some say it has always been with us and always will be. Some think it arrived spontaneously, while others feel it started very small and is expanding..."

Yogi back in 5.

The sounds of a tree falling in the forest.

Who Was That Greta Girl Again?

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

A businessman sits with an executive toy of smokestacks.

The Procrastinator

Biofuel - a solution or...?

"I think the scientists want us to realize our world is warming and do something before future generations can't live here anymore, but it's tough to focus when cheese is so good."

"Since I got out here, it seems my mind is like it's in a vacuum."

Earth Mover 3000: A not-so-happy God with the humans about to use an Earth Mover on Planet Earth

"Kind of makes you realize how insignificant my awesome beard is."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'The big bang theory of creation.'

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?