Planet Punster Gifts

"Maybe if I unplug it and plug it in again, it'll fix the mess."

Atlas working out with the earth as his exercise ball.

"You'll have to excuse him. He's a gassy planet."

'Pluto is really upset about being cropped out of our planetary picture.'

'Excuse me, I'm about to take a meteor shower.'

'He's a nice guy, but those tectonic plates of his really weird me out.'

'Plenty more where that came from, baby.'

'I'm a 'Crater-face,' am I? - Well, at least I don't have a stinky ATMOSPHERE!'

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

"Dang! I hate orbiting behind a gas giant..."

"You better avoid mercury. Today, he is in retrograde."

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

'California' as a planet of its own

How the planets of the solar system are known to their friends

Sure, Jupiter's the biggest, but I hear he uses Asteroids to build up his bulk!

If you tap the next filter, you can add whickers and bunny ears to Saturn.

They just found two more dark moons around Uranus. Are you winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke? No, they really do think they found two new moons there. Kind of suspicious, if you ask me. As long as I can remember, Uranus had 27 moons, and the Solar System had 9 planets, including Pluto. Now those numbers change all the time. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us we have to Uranuses. Yeah ... pretty sure you're winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke.

I watched the transit of Mercury online. Mercury is amazingly underrated as far as planets go. The sun is a big, bad ball of super-hot gas that can incinerate anything. It's been breathing right down Mercury's neck for billions of years. But that tiny planet just keeps brushing it off and running circles around it. That miniscule world laughs in the face of a star. It reminded me of you and me, Mrs. Gasbag. When the sun gets fed up with it all, Mercury will be the first planet it swallows.

If that gasbag call me a "dwarf planet" one more time ....

The moon keeps one fact toward me at all times --- It really creeps me out!

Standings: Milky Way Conference

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Did you watch the horror movie?'