Pirate Punster Gifts

'It's a treasure map.'

'Landline go!'

'Hey, Lady. . . that looks like a laptop to me. . . youze is obviously a P2P gangster. . . get in the trunk and lets go fors a little ride.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Water is discovered on the moon....

Pet Cemetery.

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Dog Walker

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

Standings: Milky Way Conference

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Atlas working out with the earth as his exercise ball.

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

"After careful deliberation, I've decided I can no longer represent you as your lawyer in this case."

Licker Store

Sure, Jupiter's the biggest, but I hear he uses Asteroids to build up his bulk!

They just found two more dark moons around Uranus. Are you winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke? No, they really do think they found two new moons there. Kind of suspicious, if you ask me. As long as I can remember, Uranus had 27 moons, and the Solar System had 9 planets, including Pluto. Now those numbers change all the time. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us we have to Uranuses. Yeah ... pretty sure you're winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke.

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

'Remember this test, Ms. Hart? Nineteen ninety. Multiple choice. You asked which of these is not a planet, and I checked Pluto...'

How the planets of the solar system are known to their friends

The Dark Side of the Moon.

He's very defensive about his personal space.

"The planet appears to be inhabitable but more like low-income inhabitable."