Plain Food Critics Gifts

'Generic drugs, generic drinks, generic foods! No wonder we're boring!'

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

The Official Covid-19 Diet

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

'Sorry Sir, you've had enough,'

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

'We can't keep living in the fast-food lane.'

"I still liked it better when it was the Colosseum."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

Grim Reaper with ChipsFries.

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'Don't you have anything larger?'

'When Mom said you should eat a lot of green stuff, I don't think she meant grasshoppers.'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'