Pirate Pillows

"So are we clear, Lads? No more saluting."

'So the good news is the operation was a total success. Bad news. . . we were out of hooks.'

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

'I can't pretend I'm not a little disappointed.'

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

Pirate trying to choose what to wear

"This is it! According to the map an X-ray marks the spot."

Ye Old Mariners Inn.

'FIRE A... warning shot across her bow.'

'This isn't the kind of sales job I was hoping for.'

'If I have to perch here all day, then you really need to do something about your ear hair.'

Have You Seen This Leg?

Pants on the mast

'I didn't say you're getting old, Cap'n - I just asked if you need glasses!'

"Since he lost a leg he's become unstable!"

Sailors of the Early 1700's often mistook the manatee for a beautiful mermaid...

'Guess who?'

"We made it more convenient so that you don't even have to walk now."

Blackbeard needed help living up to his name.

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

'Come out - you drunken old rat!'

"You look good for your age."

"I like how you succeed, despite your disabilities!"

"After careful deliberation, I've decided I can no longer represent you as your lawyer in this case."

Captain's Log

"I see you did a swashbuckling internship with Blackbeard. Impressive."

'Forget it! — I'm not sailing all the way back to Europe just to get you a box of crackers!'

"Be careful, there's a parrot in there somewhere!"

"Whaddya say, Black? We'll plunder the seas together. You scratch my back; I'll scratch yours."

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

"How much to insure my artifical leg?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"When I said let's scuttle her. I meant that ship over there."