Pipe Fixer Pillows

'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'

Chair with a leaking pipe.

'OK, Mr Smith, we're ready for your colonscopy!'

Plumber in a flooded room

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Lazy plumber.

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

Making it look easy.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Alpine Pipe

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

Sherlock Holmes.

Mr Chuckster Old Curiosity Shop

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

'I wonder how you flush this thing?'

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

Trilby -The Laird - 'It did one good to look at him'.

I hate it when they start without us.

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

"Now all I need is daddy's pipe to stink up the place!"

"Hi, I'm your new neighbour. I work as a maintenance engineer on the Thames Flood Barrier."

Bertrand Russell.

'No, you're the plumber, you go and check how bad the leak is.'

'I represent a broad-based coalition of anti-pipe interests....'

'When you're done fixing the furnace, could you gather up these Demons From Hell that escaped?'

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Pablo Casals.

Smoke from sheep's pipe is like fluffy wool

'That's one way to 'shut down' the system...'

"Really, …. A pipe suits you."