Pious Pint Lover Gifts

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Beer Stall

Beers

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Amen. Please help me up."

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Tim's marketing solutions

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Nectar of the Gods Dispenser.

"Who says dark matter is elusive?"

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

'Oi! '

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

Pipe Down

"You know all the best pubs for lunch, Seamus."

'...and the Brewery are considering giving you a loyaly card!'

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'

'So there's a fly in your beer — why begrudge a fellow creature a little happiness?'

Darts team ordering their drinks using notes attached to darts.

The Beer Whisperer

'I'm having what he's having.'

"A quick pint, Mavis, I'm running on empty!"

A cattle baron.

Christmas drinker

"thanks for all your efforts Harry, but I am still going to have to sell the place."

"Of course I'm late. It was a game of two halves, fourteen pints and a night in jail."

"I trained him myself."