Pilots Gifts

"Is this going to be a full flight?"

"Sir, did you order the 'special meal'?"

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

'I think they've taken stealth technology as far as it can go.'

He Keeps Touching Me.

'I knew the airport was low on parking spaces, but this is ridiculous.'

' No hitchhikers!'

'Ladies and gentlemen, the seat belt sign has been turned off - Ding! I mean on - Ding! Oops, there it goes off again - Ding! no wait, now it's on - Ding! Ok, I think it's off again - Ding! Nope, now it's back on - Ding! Ding!'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

Angel nightmares

Before we can rescue you...you need a safety check.

'Hold it right there, Buster!'

'This is the coldest December 24 on record so we should watch for stowaways going south.'

"He keeps touching me!"

'Are we there, yet?'

"So it wasn't seagulls."

US bans laptops and mobiles on planes

Crew Quiet Rooms

"We find the defendants guilty on the charges of missed connections, separated seats, crying babies, bad weather, turbulence and running out of chicken."

"Why had the engine st....?"

"There are no direct flights, so we're booked on the Scenic Tour of East Coast airports."

"This is the captain speaking. I urge the hysterical brat in seat 18C to screech in a lower key. Thanks."

Now Arriving

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

"I'm going to take a shortcut through that black hole and save us 30,000 years."

"Ask someone with a smartphone - which gate is ours?"

We think it will prevent bird collisions!

The Hydro-Multi-Aeroplane

The aviation experts come out to play

Galley Plane.

Airport Security.

'This isn't an extraordinary rendition flight, it's a budget airline.'

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

Surprise