Pilot Gifts

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

"Don't worry—he surrounds himself with good people."

"This is coach class. Let's lose the smile."

'This one's for coffee.'

'I need a plane I can fly high enough each day to smoke my cigars without offending anyone.'

A man in an airplane shoos away geese

"Someone must love someone very much indeed."

"Right, the next couple through we'll strip search!"

"OK, head on down then take the second lane on the right, hang a left then first right, up ahead is the runway. You can't miss it."

"This is so cool! I'm flying this thing completely on my Palm pilot!"

'I'll be honest. Your chances of success are slim.'

'On the plus side folks, we'll be landing way, way ahead of schedule.'

'Trade you seats?'

Airplane Seatbelts

Flying 101: Keep landings equal to take offs.

'So we're predicting a nice comfortable flight today folks, unless of course we run into any cloud cover.'

"At this time I'd like to ask you to remain calm, fasten your seat belt and flap your arms just as fast as you can."

'You can relax now, ladies and gentlemen, , , we're through all of that rough turbulence,'

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

A sky writer writes, 'Thank you.'

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"Phew! I narrowly avoided a near miss!"

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

Man Jumps Out Of Plane With No Parachute.

"I used to be afraid of flying, but thanks to airplanes, not anymore."

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

"In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you for two dollars."

'Oops' Plane crash

'He must be going economy!'

"Maybe they've oversimplified the cockpit controls."

"It's the part about 60 take-offs and 54 landings that worries us."

'That's New.'

'I always forget whether I'm flying a 747 or playing an organ.'