Pick-your-own Aficionado Gifts

Pick your own.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

"He's such a fussy eater."

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

Abacus.

"I don't like to complain, but this cud is a bit overchewed."

Paper being carefully folded until it resembles a scrunched up paper ball.

'I'm knitting a scarf for my son.'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Artisanal Pottery

"I may not know art, but I know what I like."

"I'm sorry but I can't bring the dessert menu until you at least try to finish your peas and carrots, it's policy."

'So far he's self-taught but we thought it time to engage a regular teacher.'

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

"Maybe next time we can go mine our own salt."

"Where did you get that awesome ringtone?"

All-aluminum-body pickup truck with optional door handles.

"Can I overwhelm you with a menu?"

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

'He's never forgotten his humble beginnings.'

"Just how long has Murray been retired?"

'How about if I meet you halfway? I'll sit up straight but I won't eat my vegetables.'

"When it comes to technology, Fred lives in the moment. The moment is 1987."

Cross stitch

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

Tailor.

No decision is a great choice sometimes.

"There ya go, Tia Carmen...these little adjustments will help you stay more in..."

Bloke - Know Your Anus.

A practical fortune teller.

'The chef will be so pleased! — he thought he'd never unload that meatloaf!'

"It took me six months to finish Jenny's sweater, and now they all want one."

Wonderland Produce. The first one was too hard, the second one was too soft, but the this one is just right! Goldilocks and the three Pears.

I always wondered what a martial arts correspondence course would be like.