Photoshop Pro Gifts

Lance, is that a picture of you before a lifetime of excess? No, it's a picture of me after an hour of Photoshop.

They'll be colour keying the field in later!

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

'Duly noted. Now, shall we move on or does anyone else feel the need to have a conniption?'

Around here it got a little tricky...

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"Don't worry about your hair, dear, I can fix it in post-production."

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .

When a speaker says '...to make a long story short,' you've already been there 3 hours.

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"Alan had to work all night on his presentation....this is what 17 espressos does to him."