Phone Survey Survivor Gifts

Thank you for staying on line. Instead of the brief survey we're giving you a pop quiz!

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

"It's a robocall, should I take it?"

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

It was the harshest job interviews Peter had ever attended...

"The aliens that control my brain really want me to get this job."

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Can you handle a variety of jobs?"

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"Your credentials are certainly impressive."

"Car insurance?? - No thanks!"

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'The interview panel will see you now.'