Phone Screen Warrior Gifts

"Awww, man. I cracked another screen?!?!"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

"Great idea. Movies are so much better on the big screen."

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

"No. I've never had any problems with my kids not paying attention to me."

"Kids, look at the weather! Why don't you play outside?"

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"Mom, what's the password to access dad?"

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

Call Center.

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

Facebook's business model

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

'I went window shopping today. I came home with four double glazed units!'

"How long do you think it'll take before he realizes I took his phone away?"

'Don't you know too much TV is bad for your eyes...and your morals, attention span, intelligence...'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"It's a new tweet from our teacher. She wants us to turn off our phones."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

"I'm prescribing stronger glasses for you, and I recommend a neck brace for your smartphone use."

You've been staring at that screen all day. Why don't you do something else?

'I have a very neat desk but a very messy computer desktop.'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"I get lot's of exercise, computer football, computer cricket and computer rugby."

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

The anti-social network: 'In other words, you want to help the internet blow itself up.'

"I see a couple of chairs over there by the naked guy working on his laptop."

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."