Phone Philosophers Gifts

"My phone is busted...whoa! Has the sky always been blue?"

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Woman on the phone.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Modern Portrait Gallery

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

"At last! - A text from Godot!!"

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'So much effort to meet me? Man, you just should have visited my website!'

Gawk

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

I have a homepage, therefore I am.

Modern Poetry: Text Message Haiku

Bird to bird: 'If I'm not careful, I could twitter my life away.'

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

"Well on the upside, we get a highly personalized experience."

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'I can't believe I phoned my ex at 4 in the morning and go the wrong number. Still, if I look on the upside...it's lucky I didn't get the right number.'

"Sure, he's ascended to a god-like state. But from what I hear, he's still on his family's cell phone plan."

Legends of Hold Music

"You're addicted to your phone and I think you need help."