Phone Philosophers Pillows

"My phone is busted...whoa! Has the sky always been blue?"

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

Woman on the phone.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."

Modern Portrait Gallery

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

"At last! - A text from Godot!!"

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

'When I googled myself, and nothing came up, I began to question my own existence!'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'So much effort to meet me? Man, you just should have visited my website!'

Gawk

I can't decide if I want my blog to be G-rated or X-rated. On the one hand, "blog" is just a four-letter word. But on the other hand, cleanliness is next to blogginess. ?

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

I have a homepage, therefore I am.

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

Modern Poetry: Text Message Haiku

Bird to bird: 'If I'm not careful, I could twitter my life away.'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

"Well on the upside, we get a highly personalized experience."

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

"You're addicted to your phone and I think you need help."

"Sure, he's ascended to a god-like state. But from what I hear, he's still on his family's cell phone plan."

'Please have a seat while I review your internet history.'