Phone Humor Buff Gifts

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Hello, Susie, it's R

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

'Can you do anything else?'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

iPhone Senior

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"I'll have my people call your people."

No Texting

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

A baby escapes from a pram

Ahab's Last Call.

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

Willie Nelson, hold music.

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."