Phone Dismisser Pillows

"I've asked you never to call me during naptime."

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Busy office.

"Put your phones on vibrate. Maybe they'll keep you awake."

Addiction to mobile.

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

"....To hear those options again, press the pound sign, or click your heels three times to return to the main menu."

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

'You are naming your invention a telephone, Mr. Bell? That has a nice ring to it.'

'Yes, I'm really modern now. I use a cell phone and no longer need a phone booth.'

'Mr. Watson?.. Alexander Graham Bell here. I'm a first-time caller...'

Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.

'Good morning, This is receptionist Susan, portal to the boss.'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"I forgot my phone."

'Can he get back to you - he's couch-surfing at the moment.'

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"Line one is on line two..."

'I don't take telemarketing calls during dinner time. Can I call you back during your dinner time?'

'At the sound of the tone, please leave a message.. unless you're trying to sell me something.'

"This whole time we could've been charging our phones."

"How many times do I have to tell, you, don't call me at work!"

"No, I'm not interested in a free ski weekend. Please take me off your call list."

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

"Water circulates in the same direction. Believe me...I've dropped my phone in toilets in both hemispheres."

"Mr. Phelps is in conference. Hey, trust me."

"If you'd like to hear the options again, curse in any language."

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'For the wrong department: Press one. . . for a patronizing excuse: Press two. . .'

Voice Jail