Phone Fumbler Pillows

'When it comes to texting, I'm all thumbs.'

"I'll say it was good. There were times I even stopped looking at my phone."

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Put your phones on vibrate. Maybe they'll keep you awake."

The Final Chapter.

Medical Supplies

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'

'Have you been eating right?'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.

Menu. Will you do it? It'll cost you -- Two lattes. Fine. Just do it. Ok, stand back. You stupid #*& phone. Stop disconnecting my calls, you #*&% jerk! It needed doing, but I couldn't yell at my own phone. That felt wonderful.

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

"I forgot my phone."

Just in: Condolence cards for the small investor.

Athlete nearly reaches finish line after his trousers fall down.

'Our mortgage is now owned by a guy named Lenny the Squid in bayonne, N.J.'

"Water circulates in the same direction. Believe me...I've dropped my phone in toilets in both hemispheres."

Novice gardener - not recognising daffodil

'He must be so excited - Today is his very first day at school!'

"I accidentally logged into Turtle Tax instead of Turbo Tax a month ago and I'm still trying to get our W-2 information entered."

'Dinner will be a little late -- I was overcome by the fumes.'

'Let's see... you had scrambled eggs with ketchup, beans and sausages, one beer and two espressi. That'll be 15 euro and 80 cent, sir.'

"...Butt-dialed again..."

"Relax! It's NOT a heart attack! The owner's manual says to expect intense panic during the unpacking stage, as you wonder how in the world you're going to pay for yet another totally impulsive purchase. It should pass in a day or so!"

'No, but my friends hate me intensely.'

"You ordered a tanker load, remember?" "I meant one of these!" (pointing to tiny oil tank).

'I'm sorry, but you've reached the wrong number.'

"Your broker called. You're broke."

'He's all thumbs!'

Golfer has a heart attack on the golf course.

'Hold it - I was putting my card in upside down.'